Tag Archives: Stephen Covey

Tough Love 3: You Can’t Change And Stay The Same

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A typical American, I started practicing Iyengar yoga for the physical benefits and to help mend my problem hips. Little did I know that yoga would transform much more than my body. One Iyengar yoga teacher in particular, Manouso Manos (who doles out a very memorable brand of tough love), said something that stuck in my mind and drove me to examine how I was living my life: “You cannot change and stay the same at the same time.”

From The Sticky Mat …

Manouso was explaining how yoga teachers push students beyond our comfort zones, help us release our inner control freaks, and step out of the hard boxes we put ourselves in. Iyengar students learn these lessons through performing poses or asanas and observing our minds and bodies in action. Through observation and analysis, we can catch our habits of letting the strong parts (e.g., calves) do the work while the weak parts (e.g., hips) attempt to evade notice; doing things the same way over and over again (e.g., gripping my calves so my hips can release) without noticing our patterns; and avoiding certain actions (e.g., twisting standing poses) because they highlight our imbalances (e.g., weak and tight hip muscles).

Good yoga teachers help us become more self aware and show us how to do things differently in order to build strength and balance. Nothing is as transformational as having a teacher put your body in true alignment and feeling as crooked as Lombard Street to let you know that you need to change something. In order to incorporate the teacher’s corrections, yoga students need to maintain an open mind and be willing to shed old habits and adopt new methods.

… And Beyond

This approach was having positive results for my yoga practice and my hips. But Manouso’s words — “you cannot change and stay the same at the same time” – carried far beyond the sticky mat. I was unhappy with how I was leading my life. I felt the need to change. What was holding me back? My desire to maintain the same lifestyle. I wanted to change yet remain the same at the same time.

Turning to what I learned from yoga, I observed myself in action: What habits was I engaging in that were causing the misalignment? How could I break free from the box I’d put myself in and do things differently? The answers came fairly quickly. To borrow a term from Stephen Covey. I neededa paradigm shift. As Covey explains in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People:

“We can only achieve quantum improvements in our lives as we quit hacking at the leaves of attitude and behavior and get to work on the root, the paradigms from which our attitudes and behavior flow.”

The Paradigm Shift

When I examined my life, I realized that I had fallen into what Covey describes in The Seven Habits as a “money centered” paradigm, putting economic security at the top of my priority list:

“When my sense of personal worth comes from my net worth, I am vulnerable to anything that will affect that net worth. But work and money, per se, provide no wisdom, no guidance, and only a limited degree of power and security.”

Latching on to material things had created weaknesses and imbalances that skewed my priorities as much as my wonky hips had skewed my body.  In order to change and create the life I envisioned, I needed to let go of the pseudo-security of owning a home and being able to buy whatever shoes strike my fancy at Nordstrom’s.

Once I opened myself up to moving away from a money-centered paradigm and aligned myself with my core values, the changes began to flow. In Covey’s words, “paradigm shifts move us from one way of seeing the world to another. And those shifts create powerful change.” Driven by my desire to use my talents to help others and to save money for my Reinvention Fund, I can now breeze through Nordstrom’s with no desire to buy another pair of shoes for my too-large collection. In fact, I’m amazed at how quickly that “shoe girl” disappeared.

That’s not to say that change is easy. The hard work of selling my condo and moving to a much smaller place ranks right up there with the challenge of working on my tight and weak hips. But by developing self-awareness (in my case, through yoga and Manouso’s tough love), we can identify habits that don’t serve us. No matter how deeply embedded those habits are, with persistence and the courage to change and a vision for a better life, we can replace them with more effective behaviors that strengthen and balance our bodies, minds and souls.

Path to Purpose Part 3: Execution

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In Parts 1 and 2, we were inspired to take the path to purpose and we explored to find at least one target field to pursue. Now it’s time to execute our plan for continuing down the path. This is where the rubber hits the road, and many people sadly let their dreams fade away, sidelined by excuses and fears.

But not us! Pamela Mitchell is back to provide some much-needed guidance through her book, The Ten Laws of Career Reinvention. Here are three of those laws that will help in the execution stage of the path to purpose.

Law 5: You’ve Got the Tools in Your Toolbox

One myth of career reinvention is that our previous careers were a waste of time and effort. You’ll be happy to learn that, in reality, your current skills are portable to your new field. They simply need to be repurposed:

“Repurposing your old skills – identifying the ones you used in your old field and converting them for use in a new career – is part of the definition of reinvention. It sums up the basic strategy that will help you thrive in this era: Reinventors continually use the tools that are already in their toolbox in creative new ways to build and broaden opportunities.”

Make a list of your current duties and responsibilities, and those from prior jobs, and of your job successes. If you do volunteer work, include that also. Then break down your duties and successes into the skills it takes to perform them:

“If you’re thinking about what you’ve done only in terms of job function, your toolbox for reinvention will look pretty empty. When you start thinking about what you’ve done in terms of the skills it took to perform the tasks, you’ll see that you have plenty of tools at your disposal to help build a bridge to a new career.”

Once you’ve listed your skills, find out which ones are valued in your target field and compare them with what’s in your toolbox. For me, skills from my very first career (teaching) and volunteer work turned out to be key. Look at job listings in your area of interest and see what skills are prioritized:

“There will also be times when you analyze the tools in your toolbox and realize that you do need to add a few more. This usually happens when the case you make isn’t quite strong enough to convince your target to give you a shot. Now you will need to go a step further and gain experience or learn something new that adds another skill to your toolbox.”

New skills can be gained in a variety of ways. Online courses abound these days, including the New York Times Knowledge Network (which is how I learned about blogging). Volunteering in your target field is another great way to pick up the new tools you need (which is what I’m doing to pick up some additional skills that I’ll need for my Peace Corps assignment).

Law 8: They Won’t “Get” You Until You Speak Their Language

When your path to purpose involves moving into a new industry, it’s critical to learn the “language” that’s spoken there and reframe your background accordingly:

“This Law – learning to speak the language so that those in your new career understand you – is at the heart of the reinvention process. Don’t underestimate its importance. Since you are the one who wants a shot at something new, it’s up to you to be bilingual and help others understand what you have to offer.”

In Law 7, Mitchell explains the crucial step of meeting and talking with people in your prospective new field or, as she calls it, “speaking to a native.” There are plenty of resources for that these days, including Twitter, blogs and Google. (Hey, if semi-Amish me can do these things, anyone can.) Taking these steps allows you to learn not only the language but also the culture of your chosen field:

“Tossing off an impressive phrase or two won’t cut it. The Natives in your new career will immediately see through that ruse, because speaking a language is also about understanding the unspoken nuances associated with that world. It’s these nuances that help build rapport and solidify relationships; that help you ‘fit.’”

Once you know what skills are needed in your target field and you’ve learned to speak their language, it’s time to “redraft your resume or bio, describing your skills, talents, background, and accomplishments in the language of the new industry.” Mitchell’s book provides solid suggestions for converting a typical resumé into a Reinvention Resumé.

Law 9: It Takes The Time That It Takes

At the inspiration stage, T.D. Jakes cautioned against impatience on the path to purpose. Mitchell reminds us of this again during the execution stage:

“Reinvention takes the time it takes. Like trying to harvest a garden four weeks after planting the seeds, or inducing birth five months after conception instead of the usual nine, forcing an artificial timeline on a natural process courts disaster.”

Because the journey down the path to purpose isn’t an overnight trip, Mitchell advises building up a Reinvention Fund. That might mean, like it does for me, staying in your current job, downsizing and saving as much money as possible while taking steps on the side toward your new career. On many a morning, the only thing that gets me to work is knowing that it’s the source of cash for my Reinvention Fund.

To keep the momentum going, Mitchell suggests creating a list of tasks we can perform to help us move into our target field:

“Like most tactical plans, it begins with goals; I recommend setting monthly ones that are practical, realistic, and doable…. Don’t try to tackle the ‘big picture’ every day (e.g., goal for today: reinventing my career) – you’ll feel overwhelmed. Instead, pace yourself (e.g., goal for today: I’ll make three phone calls, write two letters, and find a new industry newsletter to read). Settiing smaller objectives will increase your chance of completing them.”

Put The Big Rocks In First

Once you’ve created your tactical plan, an indispensable resource for moving through your “to do” list in an effective fashion is Steven Covey’s book, First Things First. Here are some of the key lessons I gleaned from its pages:

  • Focus first on the most important tasks that can have the greatest positive impact. These are the “big rocks” that won’t fit in the jar of your life unless you put them in first, before you fill it up with smaller rocks and pebbles. A recent “big rock” for me was selling my condo. Not only did it increase my Reinvention Fund, but it gave me the financial freedom to pursue being a Peace Corps volunteer.
  • What are the smaller rocks and pebbles? Things that are far less important, or not really important at all. They may seem “urgent” at the time but don’t substitute the artificial high of an urgency or “busy-ness” fix keep you from the deep satisfaction of achieving a task or goal that truly matters. I nearly let a small rock (a previously scheduled home-service appointment) get in the way of a big rock (my first Peace Corps interview). Thanks to Covey, I knew the big rock had to go in first, so I called the small rock (i.e., the service provider) and rescheduled.
  • As you focus on a particular goal, be willing to suffer short-term imbalances in other areas of your life when your inner wisdom suggests that it’s necessary. For me, that means less time to work out and hang out with friends as I deal with moving and the Peace Corps process. I know I’ll rebalance soon and the temporary sacrifice is well worth it.

Finally, we have to be willing to revise our execution plans as things unfold, and let go of our attachment to a particular outcome. Case in point: When I was transitioning from law-firm practice to an in-house career, I set my sights on a particular job and was crushed when I didn’t get it. The employer? Lehman Brothers.

Like Katy Perry sings in “Firework”: “Maybe you’re reason why all the doors are closed, so you could open one that leads you to the perfect road.” If we follow our purpose and do the hard work to move down that perfect road, we will end up where we’re meant to go, even if the destination is different than we planned.

Path to Purpose Part 2: Exploration

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Now that T.D. Jakes has provided inspiration, it’s time to do some exploration to find our passion and purpose and begin moving toward it. Pursuing life’s purpose may require reinventing ourselves – either a little or a lot – which can be done at any age and any stage of our careers. I’m doing it on the cusp of 50, more than 20 years into my career as a lawyer. That’s not to say it’s easy. Nothing worthwhile is. The key is to invest the time and energy necessary to develop a good reinvention plan. Pamela Mitchell can help.

In The Ten Laws of Career Reinvention, Mitchell provides strategies for exploring and navigating the full arc of career change between different fields. Mitchell developed her expertise in career reinvention through the school of hard knocks. She started working on Wall Street but quit when she realized she was bored to tears:

“The white shirts were blinding me, the cigar smoke was choking me, and the conversation was boring me. Enough with basis points. I wanted to talk about something else for a change.

(Could’ve written those sentences myself!) Mitchell transitioned to a successful, 15-year career in the entertainment industry before giving that up to become a life coach and launch The Reinvention Institute.

The Ten Laws of Career Reinvention “is about using vision and creative thinking to repurpose your skills and find new outlets for your abilities without having to depend on the job listings du jour.” The book is divided into ten lessons, with in-depth profiles of people who reinvented themselves in a new career, together with concrete advice and exercises to put each law into action. Here are three laws from Mitchell’s book that are part of the exploration stage.

Law 1: It Starts With A Vision For Your Life

Mitchell explains that you need a clear image of your desired life first, and you can then calculate backward to design career options that will deliver that life:

“Career reinvention starts with a vision for your life because careers and jobs are delivery devices for the kind of life you hope to lead. They are a conduit for becoming the kind of person you want to be, experiencing the things you want to experience, having the things you want to have. Happiness in your career is directly tied to how much your work brings richness to your world. In order to be truly happy, your career must serve your life, and not vice versa.”

I like how Stephen Covey describes the power of vision in his book, First Things First:

“Vision is the best manifestation of creative imagination and the primary motivation of human action. It’s the ability to see beyond our present reality, to create, to invent what does not yet exist, to become what we not yet are. It gives us the capacity to live out of our imagination instead of our memory.”

Creating a vision for your life is a critical step on the path to purpose. A fun online tool for creating your vision is Pinterest, a website that lets you create multiple virtual mood boards and “pin” images to them from across the Web. My vision took shape on a large white poster board from Target (after a particularly bad encounter with “Dragon Lady” at work). On side one, I wrote the elements of the kind of life I wanted to lead. On side two, I wrote action steps to take in the coming months to move toward that life. It sounds simple, but its effects have been profound. On my worst days, I tap into the vision I created and it pulls me forward.

Mitchell provides exercises to brainstorm career ideas and get your creative juices flowing, such as focusing on “flow” activities (things that make you lose track of time), “inexhaustible interests” (things that spark an unending sense of curiosity), and tasks you gravitate toward in your current career. She also emphasizes the importance of allowing yourself to change and go after your passion and purpose, giving yourself “a permission slip to pursue a different and bigger life.”

Law 3: Progress Begins When You Stop Making Excuses

People generate an endless stream of excuses to avoid the effort and risk of pursuing their life’s purpose:

“It’s simple, really. Excuses are a manifestation of fear. There are few guarantees in your reinvention journey, but this I promise you: You will come face-to-face on a regular basis with fear. …. Fear is a healthy sign that you are venturing beyond your comfort zone, which you must do repeatedly if you want to move closer to your goal.”

“Many people never muster the courage to begin a career reinvention, so deep is their terror. They continually reach for the bottle of excuses to dull the pain of their fear. But until you master this Law and break yourself of the excuse habit, progress will be intermittent, and lasting change will be elusive. The moment you move past your fear and give up your excuses, you leave the shadows of your life and swim into an ocean of opportunity.”

Mitchell supplies strategies and exercises to help us release our excuses, to feel the fear and pursue our reinvention anyway. The “excuses” I had to release center around the false belief that I should focus on provision (i.e., money) rather than purpose. It’s taken me a few years to realize that an expensive home and closets full of purses and shoes don’t mean much without a purpose-driven life..

Law 4: What You Seek Is On The Road Less Traveled

Once you’ve created your life’s vision, faced your fears and stopped making excuses, you’re ready to choose which paths to explore. As Mitchell emphasizes, it’s critical to think outside of the box and try something new, your own road less traveled:

“The old thinking was that the well-traveled path had to be ‘right’ and the alternatives were necessarily riskier. This no longer holds true. In practice, what you’ll usually find on the road less traveled is simply more opportunity. The less obvious path – in addition to possibly being a better fit – forces you to think outside the box and therefore generate new ideas.”

“Force yourself to look at and think about other careers that are far outside the ‘safe’ confines of your current box. Imagine what you might do elsewhere, in other environments or scenarios, just for the fun of it. If you’re in finance, visualize yourself running a wellness center; if you’re a lawyer, imagine yourself as a chef. The point of this mental exercise is to force you to look at connections in a new way, stimulating your creativity.”

Mitchell offers suggestions for identifying and exploring unobvious career options, and for guarding against voices (inside your own head or from friends and family) that want you to stay inside the box where they’re comfortable seeing you. For me, journaling has been another way to contemplate unique career options and to deal with the voices that whisper, “Stay in the box. It’s safe in there.” The more time we spend beyond our usual boundaries, the more new opportunities will open up to us.

Exploring Entrepreneurship

If your passion and purpose might involve having your own business, your exploration should also include The Entrepreneur Equation, by Carol Roth. This book lives up to its promises to help readers:

  • Understand what’s truly involved in running a business.
  • Define what a business is (as well as a “jobbie” and “job-business”) and the risks and benefits of each.
  • Evaluate your motivations behind your drive to start a business.
  • Assess if now is the right time to think about starting a business based on your finances, experience, obligations and other circumstances.
  • Gauge if your personality is well-suited for business ownership.
  • Measure potential risks and rewards of particular business opportunities and entrepreneurship in general.
  • Decide, based on these factors, if you should move forward with entrepreneurship or pursue a different possibility.

The Entrepreneur Equation and The Ten Laws of Career Reinvention have proven to be invaluable tools in the exploration phase of my career reinvention, and I hope they can serve that role for you as well. In Part 3 of Path to Purpose, we’ll move forward from inspiration and exploration to the execution stage of living life on purpose.

Rainbow Of The Week: Moving From Good To Great

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I’ve been a fan of Stephen Covey for years. It began when I read his best-selling book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, followed by First Things First, which has had a tremendously positive impact on my life. When I started using Twitter, I naturally decided to follow Covey. He doesn’t tweet that often (unlike some people who are tweetaholics!), but one of Covey’s recent tweets was like a message directly from him to me.

I have a condo in Chicago that I love. I’ve spent the past 5 years making it into my dream home. As much as I adore it, my condo keeps me locked into my current job so I can pay the mortgage, and locked out of other opportunities like working for a nonprofit. I know my current job isn’t fulfilling my highest and best purpose in life, and that it’s time for me to reposition myself and move to the next level.

Two weeks ago, I had to decide whether to sign a contract from my real estate agent to list my condo for sale. I was in agony,  anxious and sad at the thought of leaving my dream home, and skeptical that I’d find a decent buyer in today’s horrendous market. I decided to check Twitter for a distraction.

And there it was, a tweet from Covey: “Don’t be afraid to give up the good to go for the great.” I laughed. I cried. I signed the listing contract.

My condo went on the market last week. The first showing was on Saturday. They made an offer. Now I’ve sold my condo, and I’m free to move forward. Thank you, Stephen Covey!!

Are you willing to give up the good to go for the great?